Bennett Craig Condon

It has taken me awhile to get the strength to post about our sweet baby boy. I am not sure it will ever get any easier to talk about, so I figured I would try it now. On April 30 at 1 am, I was feeling some pressure, so I decided to go to the hospital. I drove myself as Craig needed to stay here with Madison. When I arrived at the hospital I was 10 cm. They tried slowing the contractions down, so that they would be able to transfer me to MUSC, since I was only 31 weeks and 6 days. That did not happen, so they gave me the steroid shot to help strengthen his lungs. My water finally broke a good while later and I started pushing. His heartbeat was so strong and he seemed to be doing so well inside me. He was finally born at 1:15 pm ,weighing close to 5 pounds and 18 inches long , with a very weak heartbeat that would not stabilize on it own or with any drugs. Soon after that our sweet baby boy was in heaven. I sit here in tears and shaking as I write this because not in a million years would I ever think I would be writing about this. His life was so short, but we know he is our little angel. I would give anything to feel those kicks again inside me. The nurses cleaned him up and brought him in for us to hold and love on. He was so cute and looks so much like his big sister Madison. We told him to please watch over our family and take good care of his big sister Madison.  We wrapped his sweet fingers around ours and just kissed him. It was hard to put him down. While Craig was holding him, all I could think about was watching them play ball in the backyard. These were moments I know Craig was looking forward too. This just breaks me heart. Seeing Craig look at him and talk to him makes me love this man so much more. He is the best father and husband. Our minister came by and baptized him, which was so special to us. We still have no answers, except for the fact that he was so early, as all the blood work has come back normal so far, which doesn’t make it any easier. It is still hard for me to understand as there are many babies born these days that are younger and smaller than him. I know God has a plan for our family and our precious Bennett. Having to watch them burry my son was the hardest thing I have ever done.  It was a very special service. We had our immediate family there and my brother Paul played the guitar and  sang a beautiful song. This meant a lot to us. People seem to say time will help ease the pain, but I am not sure it does. It doesn’t seem to be getting any easier knowing all the love and affection he is missing out on. However, I know my MEME is up in heaven loving on my sweet boy. I can see her rocking him as I write this. One day we will be together again. It is still hard for me to not feel like I let him down. There are all these what ifs that are just killing me.  I hope he knows that we love him so much and miss him beyond words. He will always be our son and a part of our family. Please keep praying for our family and my angel.